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I Don't Belong Here

There's something about summer that just makes me doubt myself more. I see these beautiful people with their lives and their beautiful smiles. Why can't I have that? Why? Can somebody take at least five minutes out to explain to me why? You think that the tears I cry every night under my covers would get me some where. Instead I spiral downward deeper. Why can't have somebody to love? Why can't they love me back? Even if I did have someone, would I be healed? Or will I find flaws in everything? Like with my friendships. They're dead to me now! It's all dead! And I'm the murderer. I wish I was somebody else. I wish this pain was bearable.

He is the Lamb & She is the Slaughter.

   This weekend my assholes of parentals grounded me Saturday & Sunday because they walked in on me making out with my friend Ash.
I mean, what's so wrong about expressing your sexuality with a guy. Seriously. It's the 2000s. They just don't get me, you know? 
It's like I'm in a room full of people who don't understand. A room full of people where I never felt more alone. I just want someone who will understand and make the this painful loneliness go away. The only reason I was even with Ash was because I don't know. He made me feel wanted like I was something worth while. As it turns out he just wanted to get back at his ex. In the end I felt even more lonely then before and just a waste of space in this small world. Why does it have to be this way? Why is it that love is so out of reach for me?

YAY! ^.^

I finally decided to make a journal to express myself further.



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August 2007


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